The Better Deal

[preserved_ginger]

Title: The Better Deal
Rating: PG
Character(s): Joan Redfern
Pairing: Joan/Smith (implied Doctor/Rose)
Spoilers: The Human Nature two-parter from Season Three.
Summary: It’s not in her nature to ignore the things she does not like.

“This character, Rose, I call her, Rose.”

All she has is the journal, now, and her memories. Whimsical fancies of what might have been but never was. A little like John Smith, in a way. But she refuses to tolerate that thought, because what does that make her, the woman who had loved him?

She would ask herself if it were possible to love somebody who didn’t really exist, but what would be the point of that when she already knows the answer? Of course it’s possible. She’s done it. She just doesn’t like having to acknowledge it, as it doesn’t make the truth any more palatable.

The fact she was – is – in love with somebody who all the time was in love with somebody else is something else she doesn’t enjoy acknowledging, but still she does because it’s not in her nature to ignore the things she does not like. She wonders if that part of her character is what prompted him to ask her to travel with him after he reverted to whom he truly was, although even as she wonders she acknowledges that she’ll never know the answer.

One of her most treasured memories is of the waltz she and John had shared just before everything had gone so badly wrong; but having read the journal – which, as she knows now, had never really been John but more the Doctor, bleeding through – she realises that even that wasn’t real.

If she didn’t pity him so much, she’d hate him. But she cannot but pity him – because it is perfectly obvious that, although he loves Rose enough for her name to be the only one he remembered, Rose is also long gone. She remembers enough of the white-hot agony she’d endured after Edmund’s death at Ladysmith to have an inkling of what life must be like for the Doctor, and she shivers.

She suspects the Doctor will hold that pain with him for more years than she has left to live, and the realisation tempers the last of the bitterness.

Of the two of them, she has by far the better deal.

“Seems to disappear later on…”

Comments

[glory_jean]

Poor Joan. Like to think she'd gain that perspective.

[rose-cat.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I really like what you've done here. You have such wonderful insight into Joan and the Doctor, and I like how you've compared their losses. Bracketing with the quotes works perfectly too.

[ladychi.livejournal.com]

This is a great character study. I enjoy what you have to say about all of these minor characters that I don't really think all that much about.

This line:
Of the two of them, she has by far the better deal.
Just absolutely broke me in two. Brava!

[scilera.livejournal.com]

You've really done something incredible here. You've made me feel bad for Joan. I like her--can't help that, she's just so no-nonsense--but I couldn't feel sadness about how that whole tale ended until I read this little blurb. I really hope she gained that perspective in the end. Of the two of them, she does have the better deal by far. Poor Doctor...

[principia-coh.livejournal.com]

And this rings so very true, especially with the revelation by RTD that had Penelope Wilton not been available, one of his alternatives was having Jessica Hynes back as a great-something-granddaughter of Joan, with the Journal having been passed down through the family and them eventually having set up the subwave network.

[trustme1013.livejournal.com]

Oh, Joan's quite the pragmatist. I can really see her coming to this conclusion. Too bad for her, though... John Smith was quite the match for her. Poor joan.

[maniacalshen.livejournal.com]

This is one of the nicer views of Joan I've seen. I'm glad she could keep the journal, if it gave her this kind of perspective.

[helygen.livejournal.com]

This is fabulous. You've captured Joan perfectly, and I truly believe that this is how she'd look back on her time with John Smith. It's lovely to get some perspective on the Doctor's relationship with Rose through another character's eyes, and Joan - never having met Rose - is the perfect candidate for that. Awesome work, hun :)

[np-complete.livejournal.com]

Very nice! You've captured Joan's character very well!