By Thy Great Mercy?

[preserved_ginger]

Title: By Thy Great Mercy?
Character(s): Ten. Rose mentioned throughout.
Pairing(s): Ten/Rose
Rating: PG-13
Beta(s): karenor and requialexa
Spoilers: Doomsday
Setting: After the wall scene, but just before the beach scene.
A/N: The title, and inspiration, for this ficlet comes from the Anglican service of Evensong (The Third Collect, for Aid against all Perils: “Lighten our Darkness”); the text of the cut is dialogue from Doomsday. The quote at the beginning of the fic is the Doctor, from School Reunion.
Posted: dwfiction, oh_she_knows, and time_and_chips
Summary: He knew he couldn't do it.

I used to have so much mercy.

As a different man, long ago. For some reason he can't fathom, even though the human race has stolen her away from him for ever in a moment of sheer idiocy that was probably the single most stupid thing humanity had ever managed to do, he's still investing his time and his emotional energy defending this same human race from the perils and dangers of the night.

Why should I bother? She's gone. My beautiful girl is gone, thanks to these fine outstanding members of the human race. Why is it always me?  Always me that has to deal with the mess that someone else has left behind? Because just now, I don't want to.  Right now, I don't want to do anything except figure out a way to get her back.  Nothing else matters.

He wasn't over that, over her. He didn't think he ever would be. All he could hope for was that the agony might ease with time (and if there was anything he had in abundance, it was time), and that he would be able to rein in the increasingly alarming urge he had to make everybody else endure the same pain he had done. Why should they escape scot-free? Why did he have to lose his Rose and not one of them?  Why?

His longing to see her again, the relentless ache to be with her just one last time, had driven him to search for months upon months, to the point of madness (and arguably beyond), to find even a small gap in the universes in order to permit him to go through – to touch her and hold her, for a little while, even if it was too dangerous to take her back with him.

Colourful words, old and ancient curses in a language none save he spoke any longer echoed around the console room when it dawned upon him that he wouldn't even have that. He yelled out in agonised frustration. All he wanted was to touch her, if he had to say good-bye, for Chaos' sake; why could he not even have that?

He couldn't go through properly, no matter how much he wanted to (and oh, how he wanted to; there was little else, by that stage, he wanted more), for fear of risking two universes. It was killing him to admit it but, much as he might think that she (the love of all his lives) was worth that risk – he knew he couldn't do it.

Comments

[togetheragain21.livejournal.com]

This is painstakingly heartbreaking.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

I know :(

[lostwolfchats.livejournal.com]

Oh :-( Poor poor Doctor - and he wants to risk it, doesn't he, he just is too decent too. Sob.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

and he wants to risk it, doesn't he

Yes. Yes, I rather think he does.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

The title fits this perfectly - the Doctor's emotions, and mercy, after losing Rose are heartbreaking.

Given that he could very well have torn two universes apart to get her back, his behaviour was very, very restrained (more restrained than I think I could manage, frankly).

In the long run, though, I wonder if what it's cost him was worth it.

One of my favorites, and I'm adding it to my memories :)

I'm honoured to be in memories :)

[catsfiction.livejournal.com]

All he could hope for was that the agony might ease with time (and if there was anything he had in abundance, it was time), and that he would be able to rein in the increasingly alarming urge he had to make everybody else endure the same pain he had done.

One of your very best sketches. A painfully convincing portrait of his state of mind through S3.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

One of your very best sketches.

Thank you.

A painfully convincing portrait of his state of mind through S3.

Yes; in retrospect, the picture he put across in The Runaway Bride, as someone grieving deeply for his love, was pretty much a dress rehearsal of sorts for S3.

Except S3 turned out darker still than that.

[helygen.livejournal.com]

Stunningly eloquent and heartbreaking

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

Stunningly eloquent and heartbreaking

Thank you.

[requialexa.livejournal.com]

This turned out so dreadfull perfect :-) Bit by bit it was hard to see what a completely accurate and heartbreaking picture it paints. I especially liked the "perils of the night" line and then most especially adored the "colorful words" paragraph. That turned out so well! I agree with Cat--one of the best for sure :-)

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

This thing was written in at least three different places so it was rather piecemeal until you, karenor and I licked it into shape.

I especially liked the "perils of the night" line

That was mostly lifted from the Collect, my favourite Anglican prayer - defend us from all perils and dangers of this night - but I agree with you, the language is beautiful, isn't it?

and then most especially adored the "colorful words" paragraph.

I can imagine that that's exactly what happened, though; I can't imagine he would have been happy in the slightest at not being able to touch her. He's so tactile, poor love.

I'm so glad you like this. *hugs*

[effulgent-girl.livejournal.com]

the love of all his lives She truly is. Lovely and heartbreaking look at the Doctor after he's lost her.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

She truly is.

Absolutely; I'm in no doubt.

Lovely and heartbreaking look at the Doctor after he's lost her.

If "liked" is the right word here, I'm glad you liked it.

[themusecalliope]

Oh, ow. Poor Doctor.

Once again, well done.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

Oh, ow. Poor Doctor.

I know; *hugs him*

Once again, well done.

Thanks.