I — He — We

[preserved_ginger]

Title: I — He — We
Author: lived_in_hope
Character(s), in order of appearance: Rose, Ten, Ten II, Jackie
Pairing(s): Ten/Rose
Rating: PG
Summary: She’d never thought for a second that one day she’d know exactly what it felt like to be Sarah Jane.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Spoilers: Journey’s End
A/N: I’ve borrowed a bit of language from The Christmas Invasion and an idea or two from School Reunion and it turned into this. Canon-compliant, regrettably.

“All right. Both of you, answer me this.”

If it’s the last thing she’s going to do, she’ll make him say it. He has to, doesn’t he, he has to still love her?

She looks at each of them, one on either side of her – identical in every way except for the colour of the suits they wear – and takes a deep breath. Looking at the man in brown, she asks him a question.

“When I last stood on this beach on the worst day of my life... what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it.”

Oh, please say it. For me?

“I said, ‘Rose Tyler’”.

Do you always have to be this obtuse? She wants to shake some sense into him; that’s not what she’s asking him at all, and he knows it.

“Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?”

“Does it need saying?”

Cryptic to the end, aren’t you? Why can’t you just say it; I can hear it in your voice and read it on your face – is it really so hard to make yourself say three bloody words?

She looks at him for a moment, saying nothing but thinking plenty, before turning to the man in blue.

“And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”

The man who is not her Doctor puts a hand on her arm and leans into her. And he whispers it – to save her Doctor’s feelings? She doesn’t know – whispers it so quietly that she almost thinks she’s misheard.

“I — he — we love you.”

When he pulls away, she doesn’t think about how this will look to anybody else. Doesn’t really think at all, but pulls him back down to her by the lapels of his suit and kisses him on the lips. She wraps her arms around him and he does the same to her, returning the kiss. It isn’t until she hears the distinctive click that indicates the TARDIS doors are closing that she realises that she’s been left behind, and she starts towards the ship; he can’t be leaving, can he? Without even saying good-bye?

But the TARDIS is already dematerialising; her chance is already gone, and all she can do is stand numbly on that beach and watch as he does to her what he swore to her he never would.

She’d believed him, back then; had never thought for a second that one day she’d know exactly what it felt like to be Sarah Jane.

She turns towards her mother, ignoring for the present the fact that there’s a man almost identical to the Doctor standing beside her who’s been abandoned too. The pain hurts so much that it mushrooms inside her and pushes everything else out; she can think of nothing else.

“He’s gone. The Doctor’s gone. He’s left me, mum. He’s left me, mum…”

And before either her mother or that man who is not her Doctor can say a word, she dissolves into tears.

“You left me; you promised you wouldn’t but you left me!”

She’s vaguely aware of her mother starting towards her, but the man who is not her Doctor gets there first and pulls her gently into a hug.

“I’m here, Rose. I’m right here. I’ll never leave you again.”

Comments

[catsfiction.livejournal.com]

Beautiful depiction of her confused feelings - and it hadn't occurred to me before that Brown Ten would use that moment to sneak away. I particularly liked the sentence, "The pain mushrooms inside her..." because it's exactly that - not that she can't love Blue Ten but that she has so much stuff to deal with before any of that can start. And all that was written on Billie's face.

[maniacalshen.livejournal.com]

This made me sad. :( But it did give me an opportunity to use the new icon I made for just these occasions.

Pain mushrooming is a good description!

[effulgent-girl.livejournal.com]

Is it ever going to be okay again in this verse? Maybe our dreams will come true and Rose will come back and they'll fix everything and we'll actually get that happy-ever-after. Or maybe we'll have to stick to fic:\
Beautiful description of what was going on at that beach.

[helygen.livejournal.com]

I love you for this. It's a heartbreaking look into Rose's heart and mind during those scenes, but that last line - so unexpected, from you! - brings so much hope, laced with so much pain. You continue to amaze me with your insight into these characters. Brava!

[bananasandroses.livejournal.com]

I’m writing something with Rose and Ten proper that references this scene – specifically the “I — he — we” part of it – and figured that to make that more realistic I should probably write the scene itself.

Good idea?

[helygen.livejournal.com]

Great idea! I look forward to reading that :)

[theorclair.livejournal.com]

It's stuff like this that makes me want to tell Ten I know it's hard to say "I love you" to someone, especially if you don't usually do it. But once you do it once, it gets easier. (although it took me four years to tell my current love interest I loved him, so I'm not sure I should be one to talk...)

[glory_jean]

I love this. For some reason the angst here doesn't depress me. The last line makes all the difference, I think. I'm interested to see what your next one will be.

[electrictoes.livejournal.com]

Fantastic.

[principia-coh.livejournal.com]

It's not even quite the goodbye Sarah-Jane got: after all, she actually got a proper goodbye.