preserved_ginger

Title: Le Chevalier Mal Fait
Author:

lived_in_hope
Character(s), in order of appearance: Ten (references to Rose, Davros and Ten II)
Pairing(s): Ten/Rose
Rating: PG
Summary: He’d known what he was going to do from the very first moment he set eyes on him.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Spoilers: Journey’s End
A/N: I’ve borrowed a bit of imagery from The Once And Future King by T. H. White (fantastic book, can’t recommend it highly enough) equating the Doctor in his current incarnation with Lancelot du Lac: the original Chevalier Mal Fait (the Ill-Made Knight). Canon-compliant, regrettably, by definition.

He’d known what he was going to do from the first moment he set eyes on that duplicate self of his. It was going to hurt, yes – probably more than anything had ever hurt – but if it meant that Rose would be safe …

Oh, who was he trying to fool? It hadn’t been his keeping her safe that had been the attraction. It was how he’d finally managed to figure out how to give her what they both wanted whilst at the same time making sure that Davros’ accusations, still ringing in his ears, could never become a reality with her.

He hated himself, had done since the nightmare of the Time War and the loss of Gallifrey; people who came across him tended to be the worse for the experience. And he couldn’t bear it if the woman he adored became another casualty. He was Time’s Champion, a theoretical knight in shining armour for the universe; meant to show that might isn’t always right and that there’s always a better way.

So he manipulated the love of his life – and oh how she is, still – into staying in that parallel universe he’d lost her to so long ago, and left the duplicate of himself with her. Used the fact that he said to her what he’d always wanted to say but didn’t dare commit to, the fact that she was kissing him – and therefore, in his mind, had made the decision to stay with him – to make a break for the TARDIS and leave before he could let her change his mind.

She’d almost managed it; it was a closer call than he was happy with. But he got away and left her behind, the sort of thing an ill-made knight like him would do.

But it’s better that way. Better that way than having to watch her wither and die; better that way than watching her die on some alien planet a thousand million miles from home because he couldn’t get there in time to save her. Better that way.

There was always a better way.

And one day, when he can bear to even think her name without the pain and the tears and the all-encompassing guilt crashing down around him?

He might, just might, start believing it.