In the Hands of the Goddess (Ten/Rose, 12A, 1/1)

[preserved_ginger]

Title: In the Hands of the Goddess
Series: The Darkening Sky
Missing Scene for: A Hundred Million Suns And Stars
Beta: glory_jean
Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor, The Umimera (OCs)
Pairing: Ten/Rose
Rating: 12A
Timeline: Season Two, between The Satan Pit and Fear Her
Disclaimer: The Doctor and Rose belong to the BBC
Summary: Sometimes it takes what feels like the end of all things before you’ll admit something to yourself.

He’s been sat here at her bedside for nearly half a day, now that he’s managed to stabilise her with the help of the Umimera. He’s determined that he’s going to get them both off this accursed planet as soon as possible, and preferably before he does something he regrets – the Vyfeqans had told them those bloody birds were safe, dammit! He’s wishing he hadn’t been stupid enough to trust them, but of course hindsight is always perfect.

The rage that courses through his body at what has happened to Rose owes its provenance more than he is willing to admit to his over-developed sense of guilt – not to mention to the changing nature of his feelings for her. Feelings he is not entirely willing to acknowledge, primarily because he is trying very hard to retain his rationality in his dealings with her; a rationality he fears he will lose if he lets himself fall any further. Although he fears he may already have fallen too deep.

He’d recently said to Ida, when they’d both been trapped by the Beast on Krop Tor and were sitting at the edge of the Pit, that the urge to fall was almost irresistible to him. He’d meant it literally at the time, and the situation he’s in at the moment is merely metaphorical, but he’s finding nevertheless that the analogy carries across depressingly well.

He shifts restlessly in his chair, reluctant to let himself think too deeply as it is only providing him with questions to which he does not like the answers. Instead, he risks a look at Rose’s face; perhaps this time this nightmare will be over and she’ll wake up. But it looks the same as it has done for the last two days, or at least since the Tapija toxin had taken its hold inside her body – serene and peaceful, without even a flicker of movement.

At least she doesn’t appear to be in pain, he thought. But what if she is, and she can’t tell us?

Dragging his thoughts off that potentially distressing topic, he takes her hand gently into his, needing the physical contact on a visceral level at this stage, and brushes a thumb softly across the back of it – being sure not to jostle the shunt that she needed for the anti-toxin with which the Umimera were dosing her – while doing his best to avoid wincing at how cold it seems. He doesn’t quite manage it and sends a silent apology. He doesn’t ever want her to think that he’s rejecting her. Bringing her hand to his lips he kisses it softly before laying it back down, trying not to focus on the fact that, were it not for the barely-there rise and fall of her chest proving that she was breathing, he would be forgiven for thinking that —

He closes down that line of thinking before it can go any further; his fingers tighten around her hand for a few seconds before he lets go. Nervous energy makes him start to prattle at her, as a means to distract and distance himself from the icy prickle of fear that threatens to swallow him.

“It’s lovely here, Rose, you know. This room, I mean. It’s large and light and airy, and there’s a lovely view of the mountains that I think you’d enjoy if you were here. Which you are, of course. Here, that is. Although you seem to be sleeping even more than you humans usually do – and that’s a lot, by my standards – so of course you can’t see it.” He breaks off for a second and then continues, in a rather more wistful tone of voice. “And I’m not even sure you can hear me, Rose, because if you could you’d wake up, wouldn’t you, and I could show you how lovely —”

Before he can finish, he’s interrupted by the Umimera coming to check on Rose and give her the next dose of anti-toxin. He knows they are worried about how she doesn’t seem to be responding well at all to the medicines they give her, and he shares that concern in spades. He sits fidgeting, knowing that the Umimera are probably her best chance at survival, as they do their tests and inject the medication through the shunt in her hand; he itches to be able to do something, anything, to help her himself. If he only had the TARDIS – but that’s half a day’s walk away from here and he can’t, just can’t, tear himself away from Rose for that length of time. Not while she is still unconscious.

Lost in his thoughts, he misses the fact that the Umimera have finished what they were doing and one of their number is clearly waiting to speak to him. Brought back to reality by the polite clearing of a throat, he stands up and drags his attention away from Rose long enough to hear what the healer has to say.

“It is as we feared, Doctor,” the healer begins, and a feeling remarkably similar to terror starts to bubble up and eat away at him from the inside. “She should really be starting to respond to the anti-toxin by now, but there’s no change. We’ll continue to keep her comfortable and free from pain, and of course we’ll keep trying with the anti-toxin, but I’m afraid she’s in the hands of the goddess Teragra now.”

“No!”

His reaction is immediate.

“No, no, you’re wrong. You have to be wrong! I can’t lose her, not my Rose. Not like this!”

The Umimera simply looks at him, with nothing but pity in their eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. I’ll leave you with her, now, because I have other patients who need me. But you need only ring the bell if you need someone and a Umimera will be with you.”

With these final words, the Umimera is gone. The door clicks closed behind them, and that seems to shock him into reacting properly. Sitting down heavily at Rose’s bedside before he falls down, he scrabbles for her hand, needing the physical contact even more now he knows that he may shortly lose it. Lacing his fingers gently through hers, he clutches at it as if to do so will make her wake up – although he knows that is unlikely to happen.

“You can’t leave me, Rose,” he says quietly, trying to hide the way his voice is cracking. “Y’hear? You can’t leave me. I’m useless without you; I know I say you’re jeopardy-friendly – and that’s because you are, by the way – but I’m worse than that by far without you to keep me in line. Look what happened when we had that run-in with the Muthghris on Tyrilia? Got separated, didn't we? And if you hadn’t come along just when you did and distracted them long enough for me to be able to get out the sonic screwdriver, things would have become very messy very quickly ... but that’s just what you do, Rose. You save me.”

He breaks off then, and looks at her properly, holding his breath for a second when he thinks he sees movement, but it’s his imagination. He runs his hand through his already messy hair and curses softly underneath his breath before looking down at where his hand is clinging to hers and starting to ramble again.

“You save me, Rose. You’re difficult and you’re frustrating, and sometimes I really don’t know why I don’t just leave you behind like I’ve done to everybody else, but you save me. You made me realise that maybe I could learn to live again, after the Time War – be something approaching normal again. And for that I owe you everything, everything, and I can’t even begin to pay it back. You can’t leave me, my love. I don’t want to be on my own any more. I don’t want to be alone.”

He pricks up his ears as some kind of noise seems to emanate from Rose and his hand fumbles in his pocket for the sonic screwdriver. He drops it on the floor in his haste to get it out and has to feel around with his free hand until he finds it; thankfully it’s rolled underneath his chair and easily retrieved.

“D—r?”

Definite verbal sounds from Rose, and his hearts leap painfully in his chest as hope that the Umimera were wrong blinds him temporarily to the idea that any other resolution of the situation is possible.

“Rose!”

It’s all too much, and he bends his head over the hand that is entwined with hers and his shoulders shake as he starts to weep in earnest. She’s alive. His wonderful, beautiful Rose is alive, and the nightmarish demons that have recently haunted his waking hours retreat against the strength of his overwhelming emotions. Joy, and love, and relief that is painful in its intensity.

She’s alive.

She’s awake.

And although it’s the beginning of a long struggle to bring her back to fitness, he’s rarely felt so happy in all his lives.

Comments

[sunfall-e.livejournal.com]

This is lovely.

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[effulgent-girl.livejournal.com]

Just beautiful and so wonderful.

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

Thank you; I am pleased you liked it :D

[helygen.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant. You've captured the tension and anguish and terror in his thoughts with perfect voice, and I can practically feel the relief running through him at the end. Nice work :)

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

I was trying to show how I thought he’d behaved in that part of the original story (I think it’s glossed over in A Hundred Million Suns And Stars, to an extent) – because much as Rose was important to Nine, by the time Nine becomes Ten she’s everything to him.

By the looks of what you’ve written, I achieved my objective; you’re happy, so I’m happy :D

[helygen.livejournal.com]

You writing stuff like this = me happy :D


Also? More Icon!Love :)

[alizarin-skies.livejournal.com]

This is lovely. The honesty of the piece is just perfect :)

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I am glad you like it!

The honesty of the piece is just perfect :)

Thank you for the compliment; I do my best :D

[spiritofeowyn.livejournal.com]

Cute.

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

Thanks :D

[kimuracarter.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. Fantastic job.

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[maniacalshen.livejournal.com]

Great range of emotions here. Lovely.

[achuislemochroi.livejournal.com]

Great range of emotions here.

Ah, you know what Ten’s like! Too mercurial not to go from one extreme to another too quickly, if you get me.

Lovely.

Thank you! :D