Worth It?

[preserved_ginger]

Title: Worth It?
Character(s): Ten. Mentions throughout of Rose.
Pairing: Ten I/Rose
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: Back to Journey’s End, I’m afraid. Canon compliant, too. Sorry about that.
Spoilers: Journey’s End
Summary: Was it worth it, in the end?

What was the reason you’d given yourself for not allowing Rose to stay with you? Oh, that was it – you’d wanted to keep a part of yourself back, were desperate not to lose yourself in her, because she’d wither and die long before you and you couldn’t bear to watch.

So you pushed her into the arms of the man who is you in every way except the one that matters – and, now you’ll never see her again, is the pain or grief any the less? Of course it isn't.

Was it worth it, in the end?

Was it, really?

Comments

[theorclair.livejournal.com]

That is why I put "good" in quotes. Since he really knows nothing about Ten II, he can only guess. However, I think he was thinking that if Ten II was essentially him with no Time War and not having done everything he did since then he would have to be better.

[bananasandroses.livejournal.com]

However, I think he was thinking that if Ten II was essentially him with no Time War and not having done everything he did since then he would have to be better.

Except that Ten II (that sucks as an alternative name, but the rest suck worse, so *shrugs*) is him with the Time War, and everything that he did between his creation (as One) and the sword-fight with the Sycorax. That doesn’t make him all that much better, if at all, IMHO.

[theorclair.livejournal.com]

I'll clarify I don't think he actually is; just that Ten thinks it. And while he'd use any reason to justify it, it basically comes down to the fact he is full of self-loathing.

[bananasandroses.livejournal.com]

I'll clarify I don't think he actually is; just that Ten thinks it.

Yeah, he does. And that’s infuriating and pitiful, both at the same time.

And while he'd use any reason to justify it, it basically comes down to the fact he is full of self-loathing.

The self-loathing is pretty obvious, isn’t it? Has been since Nine. And I’m wondering what on earth could ever get him to even start to heal from that.

[theorclair.livejournal.com]

If someone wants to write a fixit, that would have to be addressed. I'm tempted to do it myself, although I've only written fanfic years ago, and it was pretty awful. I'm not sure how it can be healed myself.

The saddest thing, in my mind, is that he is trying to do what he thinks is the right thing for the person he loves. And what's worse is that he knows this time it is permanent. It makes me think of "Turn Left" and how he died there because he chose not to regenerate after losing her. (I know the show doesn't say that directly, but it's really implied.) Is he just going to rush into something suicidal? (another thing that could be explored in fic...)

[bananasandroses.livejournal.com]

If someone wants to write a fixit, that would have to be addressed.

I’m writing a missing-scene-turned-fix-it!fic at the moment, and I think it’s just gone to a point where this is going to get addressed.

And what's worse is that he knows this time it is permanent.

He thinks it’s permanent, but there’s always that voice in the back of his mind that’ll make him wonder if she’ll try to get back to him again. That’ll torture him for a long, long time I think.

It makes me think of "Turn Left" and how he died there because he chose not to regenerate after losing her. (I know the show doesn't say that directly, but it's really implied.) Is he just going to rush into something suicidal? (another thing that could be explored in fic...)

He spent the majority of Season Three being suicidal, IMHO, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he spent the specials being exactly the same (and I’m not sure it would be emotionally honest at all if he wasn’t, if you see what I mean). But I’m worried about Season Five, if I’m honest with you; I don’t know whether I like the person Moffat wants to turn the Doctor into.

[theorclair.livejournal.com]

I don't think he wants her to come back. Ironically, she's the best thing for him at this point - someone who loves him no matter what. But he thinks he doesn't deserve her.

If something lethal happened to him at this point, I don't think he'd regenerate. And if he did it would be a majorly out of character option.